Perth Teen Wastes Pizza ....

Not that long ago, young guys being jerks to friends or wanting to annoy a teacher, neighbour or just fill in the gap between videos on a Saturday night would gain some amusement from sending a large number of taxis, and an array of home delivery food to the target of their evil. Eventually you got lazier and realised that if you opened your curtains and carried out your ... evil on a neighbour across the road you got better value for your pranking and didn't have to go running down the street to watch....or pause the video.

Sometimes later at night and if the right movie had been watched a trip to the late night deli might see $3 rolls of toilet paper used to adorn the house of a wayward mate.

Back in those simple days there were few rules to mateship and pranking but basically the two key ones were;
1. No Police
2. No one gets hurt
Then a third rule became very important....
3. No one goes nude. You see it was frequently discovered that nudity tended to result in the effectiveness of rules 1 and 2 being impaired.

My friends then discovered value in a rule 4...

4. No pranking girls. There were several good reasons for rule 4. Initially it seemed at the time to help with rule 3 and then because if you broke rule 4 frequently, rules 1 and 2 tended to raise their ugly judgemental heads.

Later on ... our individual learning experiences, collectively caused us to believe that if you wished really hard, followed rules 1 through 4 and with a little luck..... and if you treated them in a very special non mate way... you may just get to see a girl... nude. (With said girls knowledge).

Though never a 'stalker-ish' guy, who is to say what a bunch of idiot mates, with a Commodore 64 may have.... eventually achieved. Thankfully the Internet was in an embryonic stage during my adolescence. No such luck for a teenager from Perth's eastern suburb of Stratton.

He has had his three computers and a Xbox 360 seized for allegedly stalking a girl in the US with threatening texts, emails, and weird 'gifts' including a home delivery pizza.

West Australian police officers raided the 17-year-old boy's home after they were tipped off by Wisconsin police, who tracked the boy down through the IP address of a computer used to order a pizza and have it delivered to the 14-year-old girl's home.

The girl was first contacted by the boy after he saw a YouTube video she posted, authorities said.

They maintained a friendship via Facebook and email for 18 months, but in November last year his behaviour became a concern and in one exchange he allegedly claimed he was "in an open marriage" with her.

Looking back if 15 year old me was to dirty dance his way forward in time to today I think that after some angst and time a revised set of rules would see;

1. No Police. (Solid rule)
2. No one gets hurt. (We have some fine hospitals - not critical)
3. No one goes nude. (We have some fine hospitals - not critical)
4. No pranking girls. (add "that you might like to see nude")
5. Set caller ID to 'Anonymous'
5. Find a good web-proxy service.
6. At a pinch throw a virtual sheep at the girl... and keep the pizza.

Jon Bon Jovi's Porn Movie?

A lot has been written about struggling actors and actresses and the films that they did in the early years to survive. Including Sylvester Stallone, Cameron Diaz and Jackie Chan a lot of actors have done a lot of things until they made it big...

The question I was thinking was "What do musicians do?"... what is a musician's porn survival plan... the worst case scenario... what they do just to survive ...(and then say) "It is art."

I thought that I may have found it in this Youtube clip of Jon Bon Jovi, singing a Christmas duet with R2D2! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dUFZklIOFvg but I was so wrong... this is so much worse.

Me, the MT and Today's Plankers

With the death of a 20 year old in Brisbane last week Planking was thrust into the public eye and was soon at fever pitch. At the end of the week planking had resulted in the sacking or discipline of workers from Santos, Woolworth's and MacDonald's and a Facebook page with 100,000 followers.

Welcome to the world of planking the rules are simple:

Lie face down.

Palms flat against your sides.

Feet together and pointing at the floor.

You must, of course, have somebody take a photo. Without a photo, you're just a jerk that has been somewhere stupid or famous.

Planking has been going on for quite some time now. I have a friend that backpacked through India many years ago and spent a night with Mother Teresa and a group of locals. It turns out Mother Teressa was an incredibly planker. Apparently she was so small and stiff she could be wedged almost anywhere. By the end of the night she would invariably find herself in the most precarious positions and would fill the room with a compulsive laughter.

Likewise, I too am an old skooler when it comes to planking. Like the MT around my neighborhood we had our own rules and equipment. Quite simple really a 1/2 carton of beer, a couch & remote or footpath and gutter. Now I fear my planking days are numbered, with the arrival of a new young era of competitor and an ever increasing range of performance enhancing beers.

The major difference between us 'old skoolers' and today's competitor being the rule change that saw the need for photo’s. Previously we worked on the honour system, or at a pinch relied on police stills from CCTV prevalent in entertainment precincts.

Recently I noticed a disturbing new trend as the sport catches on with family pets. Having returned from the vets I found our cat planking with her head in her food bowl, though with no photo she is just a jerk.

In summary, for a person that grew up, graduating high school in the mid 80's planking seems like a tame activity. When I was young the bad kids were all smoking, doing drugs, stealing cars and working on advancing their life of crime. Now with the bad kids lying still and pretending to be wood.. they should be a lot easier to catch…..

Is it wrong to be jealous of your cat?

Damn you cat.... you get to treat people exactly as you like. It gets to be obnoxious with everyone.... and its expected of her even though her life of luxury is reliant on us. So fricken jealous...

D'oh.... The Window

So the bad news is that the neighbour has put up something to obscure his window...Hmmm now having been possibly caught, I feel a little icky....Hmmmm a toasted sandwich will cure that!

I Waited as Long as I Could....

But ...come on! Osama had porn...

MTV Picks 'Best Tweet Of The Year'

MTV recently named its "best tweet of the year" the award goes to Kanye West, whose tweets have been have been paired with New Yorker cartoons.

Kanye's winning tweet? "I hate when I'm on a flight and I wake up with a water bottle next to me like oh great now I gotta be responsible for this water bottle."

Other contenders from Kanye West include, "dating models I had to learn to like small dogs and cigarettes" and "I specifically ordered Persian rugs with cherub imagery!!! What do I have to do to get a simple Persian rug with cherub imagery uuuuugh."

My Mum was Right, I am a Nice Guy.

There was an incident one night during the week that I feel a need to get off my chest for it very nearly saw a particularly good toasted chicken and Jarlsberg cheese sandwich sacrificed …. all in the name of neighbourhood courtesy

Before I go further, it is important to understand that I am not a hero, nor leader. I seek neither recognition nor reward. I am however every bit a thoughtful man. I go out of my way to let those around me go about their life without interruption. Though I seek no acknowledgement, I do like people to know the caring nature of my disposition.

It was around 10pm when I found myself in the kitchen getting a late night snack Now our kitchen has a side window which looks down through the window of the adjoining house’s basement, which has been taken over by the neighbour’s 20 yo son and I was definitely gazing at him getting lunged at by his slightly dressed young girl friend.

Given the choice of leaving with a great sandwich, poorly cooked or frightening off the young girlfriend, I went a different way, I switched the light off .....and ......kept watching.

It wouldn’t be right for the couple to feel uncomfortable. It wasn’t their fault that my elevated position had circumvented their privacy screen.

I watched only while waiting for the sandwich and while I took no real notes I don’t believe that the young couple has any reason to be ashamed.

Now on relaying this story during the week to friends, colleagues and several strangers on a wine tasting tour… there appeared to be an initial belief that possibly, I had been less than a gentleman.

However I was all gentleman and more. If I had given up on the sandwich it would have put pressure on the lad and given my loss would have resulted in me feeling awkward and hostile the next time we spoke. If I had left the light on and compromised the guys night with the girl it would have made me feel bad thus diminishing the value of my snack.

Given those choices and given that I risked the sandwich by cooking it in the dark I now have the overwhelming feeling that my mum was right, I am a nice guy.

Mr Blogger are You a Bit of a Jerk....?

So last night it all happened for me, I made two posts. One of them about the Perth Entertainment Centre was actually not bad... it was spell checked...I found no particular reason to use abusive language... and it had humour. The second piece was on The Giant Pink Guy.... a must read story of intrigue.

Well they both disappeared during an overnight spell of maintenance by Blogger.

The worst thing is I fear I actually peaked last night. Not just on Blogger, I mean my life... huh I really should back up.... Well that was the one night I shined brightly... No one saw it, then I was deleted.

Perth Entertainment Centre

Today marks the start of the demolition of the 35 year old Perth Entertainment Centre. Though it is likely that the wheels have been in motion to demolish this evil building since 1979.

You see this building loved by many had one very dark, dark day.

On Friday the 20Th of July 1979 representatives of eighty nations gathered in Perth for the final of the Miss Universe Competition. Bob Barker crowned the winner, a first for her nation, 18 year old Miss Venezuela, Maritza Sayalero.

Here we take a particularly dark turn and Perth makes headlines around the world... Just seconds after the crowning and the live feed to hundreds of millions of viewers had been severed, a crowd of people surged forward to congratulate Miss Venezuela.

Regretfully, the union labour built, plywood catwalk, was built to support exactly the weight of the host of Wheel of Fortune and 80 tiny women. As a result it failed, sending Bob, the eighty contestants, several spectators and a few international news media (not a complete disaster) crashing two metres to the floor.

The event was missed by the massive international audience as the live telecast had ended minutes before.

It is worth noting Perth has never been considered, nor sought to host the event since.

So Miss Venezuela, this demolition is for you.

The Giant Pink Guy

Some time ago I was a fortunate participant in one very, very, special day.

It was the day that Giant Pink Guy came into my life. Travelling between Perth and Fiji we stopped in Brisbane. I say we as I was accompanied by a gorgeous girl who was almost as excited as I was at the sight that stood before us.

For there in the queue in the middle of the huge floor of the Brisbane Airport was the biggest pinkest man I have ever seen. What I need you to know is that he was just so pink....Think highlighter pink....and think huge. He was 6"5" if he was an inch. He wore a singlet and he was pink. Not just any pink, but the pink that screams very, very, burnt English tourist. Or big man with soon to be spectacularly fatal heart disease.

Giant Pink Guy had such presence. I was and truly still am... mesmerised. This wonderful specimen of man truly deserved better than to find himself travelling Virgin Airlines. This adonis should have been tied to the deck of a ship and sailed into a harbour, King Kong style.

Now as every day goes on I have more and more questions. Why was he so very very pink? How many people at the airport having heard me gasp, stare and point subsequently looked and were as excited as me? Did Giant Pink Guy recover from his suntan? Is he still alive? Does he work as a super hero? How drunk was he when he looked in the mirror and decided to wear a singlet to the airport? Does he know how mirrors work? Where is he today and will he consider being my penpal...? My side kick, Barney to my Fred, Big Pink Robin to my Smug Caped Crusader? Who is this man?

There is just too much to say, too much going through my mind. I find the whole event so very compelling (Fiji was ok too). For me this was part religious awakening part destiny, he was just that pink. I know not whether he should be hunted or worshipped. Now all that is left is my need to find the right studio to bring this compelling adventure to the big screen.

Meh....What flu is supposed to kill me this year?

Every year it's something new... SARS, Bird Flu, Swine Flu... every year for as far back as I can remember it is something new. When I was in high school it was AIDS and HIV that was going to wipe out the Earthlings. Having seen the ad with 'Death' at the bowling alley I didn't sleep for a week, then I realised that I could just avoid going bowling. Logic of course prevailed and if I wanted to go bowling I just took condoms with me.

Pippa Middleton Nude?.....

Pippa Middelton ....
Called "The Star of The royal Wedding" and "Her Royal Hotness" Pippa Middleton certainly gave the headlines and photos extra ooomfff. Obviously, a gorgeous girl from a sweet family. Then it appeared that Pippa's image was in for destruction as internet rumours spread of "nude" Pippa photos. I was heart broken..... the sweet girl is just an act? Why... why did the world build the hopes up of all those young weird looking British guys.
Dear GOD WHY!!!!!!











Then this photo appeared.....
"oh no...it is so bad it had to be censored, ahhhh"
The world would fall into a burning pit if that photo was to come out uncensored...
















Oh..she is a nice girl having fun at a friends house and it summer... what? It's not an orgy?
Oh wait the picture was probably photoshopped to put clothes on her...you can always believe tabloids....

Skype is Blue... Lets Buy It

MICROSOFT today announced its plans to purchase internet phone service company Skype for $US8.5 billion in a move aimed at carving out a bigger presence in an online arena dominated by Google and Facebook. The acquisition is the largest ever by the US software giant.

"Skype is a phenomenal service that is loved by millions of people around the world," Microsoft chief executive Steve Ballmer said.

What the chief executive didnt say was that "this convienient purchase ensures the continued relevance of the Microsoft Blue Screen of Death as it matches the Skype colours very, very well."

So a Navy Seal swims into a compound......

The award for the Osama Tweet of the day has to go out to Stephen Colbert for this one.

"The hardest part about sending navy seals after Bin Laden must have been flooding the compound"

Colbert you are delightfully twisted.

White iPhone.....yay

I get it.... and the advertising was all it said and more. There is now a white iPhone..... it's like the black iPhone but white. Great ad....I should write ads, even dating ads.. stupid girl, could be a smart pretty girl....but no. Guy, not girl..... messier comes with beer.
Maybe a beer ad... beer like water but funnier......
Horse like a car less horse power....